Happy Father’s Day

Posted: June 17, 2018 in Uncategorized

Hmmm….. (lets out looooong exhale)

In 43 years, I have never told my father, “Happy Father’s Day”. There are quite a few reasons why that never happened. The first reason was, he wasn’t here, there, or anywhere when it came to me. I think he saw me about 3 times in my first 5 years. That used to make me so upset but, I was raised by my mother, and I like to think that I turned out okay.

Got a few screws loose but, nothing major.

Secondly, you have to perform fatherly duties to be considered a father. Yes, he has fathered children (5 to my knowledge) and he may have been there for my brothers and sisters but, he just wasn’t there for me.

This blog isn’t out of malice or anger, I forgave him years ago for not being in my life. I was recently told that I should be grateful for that. Why? Well, if he’d been a part of my life, I may have never have had the opportunity to be a father to my children and to be a part of their lives. Confused?

If I had not experienced a life without a father, I would not have known what it was like to feel abandoned and to have to deal with all the shortcomings of not having the first male role model in my life to protect me, teach me, guide me.

If I had not experienced a life without a father, I wouldn’t have had to make a vow, that I wasn’t going to be like him, and to be there for my children, no matter what it takes.

If I had not experienced a life without a father, I may not have had the experience that would allow me to grow into my own fatherhood, I may not be the father that I am today.

Earlier I mentioned, FORGIVENESS.

I forgave and forgive him for all the times when I wanted to reach out from a place of sadness or despair and wanted to hear fatherly counsel, only to go to the other men in my village to receive the right advice and receive the guidance that I needed. I forgive him for that.

I forgive him for abandoning my mother, putting her in a position of struggle just to put food on the plate and to keep the lights on. That struggle gave her unbelievable strength, determination and the will to take care of me. I forgive him for that.

I forgive him for sending back pictures and drawings I sent to him so that he could see his grandchildren and one day maybe be a part of their lives. That was a very hard one but, I forgave him for that.

My father, Julius Earl Thomas, passed away from this world on Monday May 28, 2018

These are his ashes. This is our first Father’s Day together.

I can finally say…. Happy Father’s Day!

CT

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May the Ancestors grant you the peace you so desperately needed.

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