Archive for February, 2012

Al Green asked, “How can you mend a broken heart?”  Toni Braxton sung “Unbreak my heart” beautifully and now doctors are coming up with a pill to heal our hearts literally after heart attack!  But the question remains, how can you mend a broken heart?  I wish I knew.

When I think of matters of the heart, I can feel the open wound, the festering cavern in my chest that once housed a warm-loving heart.  Instead, inside, there’s a hollow chamber, a cold empty repository of bad memories, bad experiences and lost loves.

When you realize that you have a broken heart, you realize that you were in love.  A lot of men don’t like to admit that they were in love, trying in many ways to disproved the notion but, when heartbreak hits a man, it hits us hard.  It may not show as outwardly as it would in a woman, maybe or maybe not but, we hold on to the pain and have a hard time of letting it go.

I know that I’m living a life with a broken heart, part self-inflicted, part “their” fault but, I’m learning very, very slowly to let this young clinker heal.  What heals the heart?  Is it lust, is it sex, is it bouncing around from one person to the next, the so called feeling out process a.k.a. dating?  Or, could it be an internal adjustment of priorities, loving YOU more and taking better care of yourself, possibly?

How about friendship?

Personally I’m notorious for jumping too fast at opportunities to tie it up with a woman when it’s presented to me.  I think of the long term before the short, thinking that things will work themselves out down the line, rather than working on the now.  Kind of like putting the cart before the horse and we all know how that looks.  Friendship in any relationship; be it personal or business can be helpful.  So, does establishing a strong friendship before a relationship build a better…’SHIP’?

I’ve heard of successful relationships and marriages where the two say they are the best of friends or they were friends before they even thought they’d ever be together so, I’m sure there’s some validity to it,would it work for me, I would certainly hope so.

I always like to add a disclaimer, that I by no means am an expert on relationships but, who is?  We see these “hoity-toity”, therapist, analyst and authors that claim to be experts by right of degrees they got from school but, have they experienced the things they counsel us on?  Probably not!  So what I say about how I feel and what I see should be taken just as critically and equally as helpful.  (I’m just talking)

Back to heartbreak…

So, I’m not sure how to round out the rest of this blog, I mean, I just really want to get things off my chest and out into the world about how I feel about such a burning topic in the world of men.

A broken heart is a figure of speech but, what actually is broken when we hurt so much after or even during a relationship?  Is it all in our heads? Is it an inception of thoughts and waking dreams that we create and sometimes lose control of and when we do the end result is the body living without the mind?  So many of us have lost our minds over the thing called love, which is merely a four letter word, although it holds as much gravitas as the earth we stand on.  We’ve hurt and killed others all in the name of love…if I can’t have you no one can!  Isn’t that madness??  Can we choose our minds over our hearts?  I feel that I’m living that way now…full mind, empty heart or at times, no heart at all. 😦

How can you mend a broken man? Al Green somehow provides the soundtrack to my sadness, well at least to bits and pieces of my life.  I ask the same question; maybe I’m connected to a network of broken men and Al is our guide.  Am I a broken man? Sure, but being in this state of flux, I’m more focused on my future and the future of my children and family and overall, that’s not such a bad trade off.




You’s A Stupid H*e

So…B.E.T….Black…Entertainment…….Television, has decided to ban a Nicki Minaj video?  I can honestly say that I’m surprised and equally ecstatic.  When I learned the name of the song and read the lyrics to, “Stupid Hoe” I could already see why they did.  I’m sure the executives aren’t trying to make any moral changes to the mind-numbing machine that is BET, it’s just that the song is really, really un-editable.  She’s talking about ‘pissin’ on bitches and other lewd unmentionables so it’s really no question as to why they banned it.

On top of the disgust I have for Minaj, my overall opinion of BET is somewhat common amongst most intelligent Black folks that are fed up with what record labels and video channels dub as music.  From Hip Hop to R&B, BET and its non-Black executives have ruined what was once good with music in the African-American community and in its psyche.  Of course BET isn’t the only station doing this but, the difference between BET and MTV or VH1 – BET promotes this as our culture as who we as a people are and that is wrong and ethically incorrect.

Since 2003 when BET was “souled out”, the qualities of the programming and music videos have taken a terrible and tragic turn for the people.  Those of us that are the target market, are the ones that get the brunt of the bad and none of the good because, there really isn’t any.  BET is a dumbing-down machine, a virtual piece of equipment designed to extract reality and inject fantasy.  Black Entertainment Television, used to teach, used to reach, used to preach; along with Johnson Publishing, it was once a crown jewel of African-American success and aspiration.

Quality shows were replaced with Trash TV, semi-reality shows displaying the twisted lives of confused Blacks acting like hordes of immoral, foolish, drug using, alcohol consuming, sex-crazed, booty shaking weave-wearing jigaboos!  Admittedly, these representations are on “other “channels but, aren’t celebrated as being part of our culture, the way it is on BET.

Culture is defined as:

The quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc…

I’ve constantly debated with Black people that cry, “It’s our culture, our culture, that’s just who we are…………….” There is nothing quality about guns and drugs, or hair pulling cat fights, loud mouths and jail time.  Nothing excellent about shit programming.  What is artistic, mannerly or scholarly on BET?  Can someone answer that? 

Let me get back to the reason why I’m blogging…Stupid Hoe and Dr. Watkins.

The article I read by Dr. Watkins, seemed to be complaining that this “mild” video should not have been banned from BET.  If you can show other types of fuckery why shouldn’t BET show just a little more?  Dr. Boyce Watkins, who is a professor at Syracuse Univ. and a regular on CNN, wrote a noteworthy article criticizing BET for its decision to ban Stupid Hoe but rebuked them for not banning Lil Wayne and Wiz Khalifah and other videos that promote rampant misogynism, weed and alcohol reverence and violence.  I agree these musical-messes and others should be banned from BET as well; I’d go as far as saying that they shouldn’t be allowed to publicly make music ever that includes Nicki Minaj.

Dr. Watkins also stated that sexism was the driving force behind the video ban.  I don’t see this decision as a sexist one; I see it as obliquely positive.  In an indirect way it gives Black people an opportunity to not see the video by means of their favorite medium – BET.  Of course it can be watched on YouTube like I did (Journal purposes only, yuck) and see the licentiousness …yeah I said it….and still be exposed to it but, for BET to ban it will keep US from watching one more debilitating video and then going into another one and then another one….at least it won’t be seen there.

Anyway, this isn’t about the good professor, this is about the Stupid Hoe, Nicki Minaj.  I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a video for a rap song with such an offensive title, at least not one that made it to a video.  Of course there’s, “Let a ho be a ho” and “Bitches and shit” but, there aren’t any videos for these degrading songs.  If so, they didn’t make it to mainstream TV and are sitting in a VHS collection somewhere in one of Bobby Johnson’s basements.

We don’t always need distinguished scholars and visiting fellows that have their degrees so far stuck up their asses they could take a temperature with them, to tell us what’s good and what’s not good for us but thanks to Dr. Watkins for his commentary.  Allowing children to enjoy or listen to Nicki Minaj is bad parenting in my book; especially daughters.  How much worse is it than listening to Bill O’Reilly at a KKK rally?  She wears strap on dildos on stage, c’mon man! 

One highly charged reader states:

Yes it should be banned, BET made the right decision. Our young African American girls do not need this kind of trash depicting the black female. It is bad enough the social media white supremacists continue the stereotypical generalization of black women. Black is an experience it is not a condition.

Stupid Hoe is possibly the realization of Onika Tanya Maraj, to what she is and that her soul has been bought and paid for and now this is her life for the rest of her life.

 The stupid hoe is Nicki Minaj, consider this the theme song to her Autobiography!